WARNING: Story contains details about my decision on sex reassignment surgery. Only read if you are open-minded.
This is something every transgender man and women have been asked. Some of us don’t like talking about our surgical status, or about what we plan to have done to our bodies. However, I’m all for being an open book with everything in my life and I decided I would talk about my decision when it comes to sex reassignment surgery.
First of all, the surgery is not necessary for transgender men and women, it is up to the person. We are all different and have different needs. Some transgender people want every surgery possible, some want just hormones, and others just want to simply be respected for how they identify and never medically transition at all.
What is important to note is that sex reassignment surgery is not the defining factor of being transgender. There are many trans people worldwide who can’t or don’t want to have the surgery due to health, financial, or personal reasons and that’s okay! No member of the transgender community needs to have surgery to be valid.
I first remember watching a video of the surgery being performed back in 2015 months before I decided to come out as transgender and I immediately realized how invasive and painful it looked, my first reaction was ‘I don’t think so’.
However, pre-hormones my life was different. I didn’t feel the same as I do now on hormones. I always knew I was a woman, subconsciously it was always there. Even when I was a child I remember multiple situations that now that I’m an adult I can understand why I was reacting a certain way to situations.
I have already been on hormones for seven months and just had my estrogen doubled. My body has been changing, my hair is getting longer and growing back in places I lost it, my breasts are getting noticeably bigger, my body fat is redistributing, I’m getting curvy, my acne has decreased, my skin has softened and my body hair has grown much slower. Not only has my body changed, but also so has my sex life.
I know the requirements of having surgery and that in six months the option is there and I have been constantly thinking of the possibility. So it should come as no surprise that I have decided that I want to have sex reassignment surgery.
There are several reasons why I feel I need to have sex reassignment surgery, here they are:
First of all, the functionality of a biological male organ doesn’t work the exact same when you change the hormone levels to that of a woman. I’m not saying it doesn’t work at all, but it certainly isn’t needed. I personally never use it and my body does not produce sperm because of hormones, therefore, it is just a bulging annoyance in my pants.
I want to be able to wear a dress, skirt, yoga pants, or bikini without having the constant dysphoria of a bludge downstairs that people can notice. It bothers me seeing it there and taping it everytime is a pain.
Another reason is that I feel that it is going to complete me. I can picture my body with a vagina and the thought of being able to be complete makes me feel the happiest in the world. I want to be able to experience sex with a man the way I have always wanted to. Without being embarrassed by what is between my legs.
Since starting hormones I have been so much more comfortable with myself and confident in the changes my body has made and will continue to make.
The last reason and one that really put into perspective for me is that life is short. We are not promised tomorrow and I’m only going to have one chance to live.
I already spoke to my doctors about going for a consultation for surgery as I have a few common questions and concerns before I complete the process.
I felt ashamed for so long about my struggle to really be myself. I have always felt that I have been living as two different people for so long, but now there is only room for one person, one gender, one version of who I am. This is it. This is me.
The surgery is covered by the province of New Brunswick and takes place in Montreal, Quebec. It cost roughly $20,000.
It is the only surgery that is covered so if I want any of the following:
- Facial feminization surgery.
- Breast augmentation.
- Tracheal shave.
- Hair transplant.
I will need to pay for them myself. Which is reasonable. Considering the body I have I will only be pursuing electrolysis on my face and possibly breast augmentation after awhile on hormones if my breasts are not the size I would like.
I don’t want pornstar breasts. I want a proportionate size, probably a B cup and I want the type of augmentation that is soft and feels natural. I don’t want my breasts to be hard as rocks.
There are affordable ways to have these extra surgeries that I have already discussed with my doctors.